The Branch
OH GOD! What a TERRIBLE week! Seriously, work was awful. And not just for me. The week was also a meanie to Wife, which is grounds for an ass-whoopin’! I was up all night last night with an emergency at work which was followed immediately by a lovely meeting at work this morning, just to have the issues that caused the late-night emergency kick back up. To boot, Wife has been inundated with silliness from her job. We need release! I’m talking a good thrashing in the gym to work out the frustrations and something equally raunchy to refill our hearts, souls, and stomachs. I need to feel the dear, sweet embrace of gluttony. Only one thing that’ll do all that: Grease! Maybe some grease with some meat, some cheese or some other lactose-based fats. And, I’ve been exercising, so add a vegetable to the top to make me feel better about myself. Some scallions or the like. We look around for a bar in the area with some decent food and come across a place called The Branch. I don’t even bother to investigate. We’re already on the way!
Finally! We Arrive!
We pull into a seemingly abandon parking lot which surrounds a free-standing, brick building with a giant, covered deck. We walk inside and are greeted by framed pictures of local breweries, rich wooden tables and a friendly hello from the guy behind the bar. We sit and take in the mostly empty room. It’s nice! It’s not too loud or intrusive, likely ‘cause it’s Wednesday. Holy shit… Is it only Wednesday?!
One of the bar hands comes around and takes Wife’s order of a White Buffalo, which she ends up loving. I glance up at the “full bar,” which was advertised on Yelp, and notice that it’s “technically” a full bar in that they have one bottle of the basic liquors stocked on, what looks like, the same little wooden and stainless-steel storage rack we have at home… This is apparently a place to come for a beer, and since I’ve never been much of a fan, I order water.
While the lovely lady grabs our drink, we look over the menu and spot the Nachos. They’re described as having all the things I wanted and offer to be covered in fresh carnitas, a slow roasted, seasoned pork. Consequently, the only other occupied table in the room happened to order the same thing and they were delivered just as we were considering our order. The looked AMAZING. We order one to split –‘cause they’re freaking massive— and wait for the magic to happen.
I head to the restroom to handle myself and am terrified. The men’s room doesn’t have any urinals in it! Guys reading this will know the gut retching feeling when you look around the bathroom and don’t see any urinals. It’s almost as bad as not finding toilet paper… Luckily, I wasn’t in the women’s room. I do my business and head back out.
SO GOOOOD!
A long time later (I’m not sure if the duration was due to my general hunger level or if it actually took three days for the order to be delivered) our savior arrives, served in a full-sized, cast iron skillet, covered in beans, cheese, and tomato, and absolutely dripping in pork. There was even a sprinkling of cilantro and jalapeño on top. SQUEE!! The dish also had a couple ramekins of salsa, sour cream, and guacamole alongside.
We dig in. They’re pretty damn good. The chips, even down to the bottom, are crisp all the way through. The pork is tender and well-seasoned, soaking with pork drippings that end up making nice chewy morsels on the bottom of the pan as they soak in. The beans are also well seasoned all their own. This is what I wanted, though a drink would have made it better.
The Chef, Now That My Stomach Is Full
We finish up and adjust in the hard chairs after a rough day at the gym. We’re pretty well stuffed. For $21 for the order, and having split it between the two of us, this was actually pretty good. And that brings us to the Chef. I’m not gonna lie. The Branch was unexpectedly good. I wanted something fatty and tasty, and I got that. Even so, my life wasn’t changed. The wait and the bar set me back to the world satisfied but not different. On a scale of Tip the Hat (low) to Shank the Chef (high), the chef is definitely gonna get roughed up, maybe a missing tooth and a broken rib, but he’ll be fine. Suck it up, bro! You got this! We’ll be back for more nachos, after a drink.
Keeping the world in balance.
Have you ever eaten something so delicious it made you angry?