Category: Things That Happen To Me

Is It Your Anniversary Or Something?

*Delivery lady knocks holding a stunning bouquet of red roses. * *I answer wearing all black and a red bandana on my head* Her: [Chef Shanker]? Me: That’s me Her: *with a surprised look on her face (my name is a bit androgynous)* Well these are yours. Me: *take roses…

Dicks!

This is real… Somebody got paid to do this… Someone, who went to college, was given a paycheck so they could publish “Hard Times for Dick’s…” And it gets better! OHMYGOD they made it bold!… #jealous Chef ShankerKeeping the world in balance. Have you ever eaten something so delicious it…

Home

I miss the kitchen. I’ve been a long time out of it. People often ask how I was able to survive let alone thrive or enjoy. It’s true. The kitchen is one of the most intense places I’ve ever existed. There’s something about the small, enclosed space. A place where…

You don’t belong here

There are very few places where the you-do-not-belong-here look is stronger than when patiently and idly waiting for Wife in a women’s clothing shop. Off-putting #iCanHaveCurvesToo Chef ShankerKeeping the world in balance. Have you ever eaten something so delicious it made you angry? shankthechef.com

Spreadsheets

I just spent 2 hours learning a spreadsheet function that I learned a year ago but forgot and had to relearn. I’ll talk to you guys next year, probably after having had spent another 2 hours relearning the same damn thing… Chef ShankerKeeping the world in balance. Have you ever…

Alas and Explosions!

So I occasionally write. I love language. The idea that the sounds I make while pressing air through a set of meat flaps in my throat can take the ideas in my head and draw lovely, intricate, amazing, or even awful, awful pictures; I can travel through time with someone,…

Thanks, Siri…

Me: Hey Siri! Turn on my 7:45 AM alarm. Siri: You have 16 alarms. Which one would you like me to turn on? Me: Turn on my 7:45 AM alarm. Siri: You have two alarms for 7:45 AM. “Alarm alarm” for 7:45 AM and “Church” for 7:45 AM on Sundays. Which…

*Blink*

Context: Working from a coffee shop, Antidote Coffee in Houston. Lady: *walks to the back of the building then immediately up to the barista. Lady: *with that unmistakable, condescending tone where every sentence ends with excessively upward inflection* Hi. yeah. um. all your bathrooms are occupied?? I couldn’t hear him…

Thanks, Internet!

Context: Working on a project wherein I’m expected to submit a weekly update to interested parties and higher-ups as to its progress. Me: I need to update this project with the date of every Friday between now and October 15th… Me: *contemplates logic to automate for 5 solid minutes* Me: Hmm……

Maybe? Sure! Why not?

I decided to start writing about things that occasionally happen to me. No better way to begin than by being stanky! My new favorite thing is to sit down and watch The Crown and chant “you ain’t never gonna be kiiing!” whenever Prince Charles is in a scene. ./mic-drop Chef ShankerKeeping the…